Meet Mariam
We’ve come a long way since the therapist needed to be a 'blank screen' – that is where you knew nothing about your therapist. Psychotherapy was heavily male dominant and the blank screen model fit. Times have changed since then.
I am offering my personal story, with the intention of transparency and honesty, and to offer an example of the healing that is possible. I believe that if you know a bit about me, you'll know far easier if we feel like a good fit.
I am not perfect. I still experience challenges, just like we all do. I'm human, just like you. I'm just an everyday woman who is deeply committed to her growth, personal development and healing journey, with a passion to supporting others on theirs.
I share my story from the depths of my heart, to yours, with Love.
The Journey
As a child, I was fascinated with the world beyond. Mesmerised by the stars, and obsessed with stories of past lives, sightings of fairies and UFOs, I either had my head in the clouds or stuck in a book. I believed in magic!
I was (and still am) highly creative, sensitive and empathic. I seemed to be able to read between the lines and knew what people were thinking or feeling, but not saying. I could see their underlying motivations which didn’t match their actions or behaviour. This made things quite confusing.
Born from First Generation parents from India & Mauritius in 1980s South London, image, identity, race and culture were major issues. I just wanted to fit in and be like everyone else. The eldest of four, I felt the pressures of being the first born.
I was perhaps a typical south asian girl of the time - getting A*s at school, very polite and well behaved. In essence, I was a very 'good girl'.
That changed as I hit my teens... I was troubled, highly emotional and became rebellious. I was angry, confused and started to have suicidal ideation; I had been sexually abused by a family member for 6 years as a small child, and the effects of that were starting to show.
After severe conflicts with my parents, I eventually left home at 15, and moved into a squat. For 4 years I lived in-between squats and slept on the streets a few times. I sold the Big Issue and quickly developed a severe eating disorder and an addiction to speed (amphetamine).
Desperately seeking love and unable to say 'no', I soon got into my first long-term (highly destructive) relationship. And entered the world of squat raves and clubbing, recreational drugs and partying.
Then at 23 I entered into my first safe relationship with someone who was clearly kind, gentle
and wasn’t going to leave or hurt me.
And this meant that all my shit finally came hurtling out! All my all past traumas and wounds poured out, one incident at a time. And whilst I was happy to finally be in a loving relationship, I was an absolute mess.
Anxious, jealous, flying into fits of rage, withdrawing, self-harming, stuck and depressed.
My saving Grace was my insatiable curiosity to want to understand WHY
Why was I behaving in these extreme ways that I would later regret and feel so shame about?
I seemed to easily recognise the patterns I was playing out from both childhood and my teens.
I found it utterly fascinating! Eventually this led me to the library to read books on emotions and psychology.
So even though I was living a trigger-fest jumble of confusion, every single time I acted out,
I did the work to figure out why.
Little did I know at the time, but I was learning to become my own therapist!
Even though I wasn't able to change my behaviours at this point, and I was lost & directionless,
something inside me had been sparked
Then, at the age of 25 I was hit by a train. My dear friend Gustav was killed. I miraculously survived, spending three weeks in intensive care and seven months in hospital. I had life-changing injuries and needed to learn to walk again.
When I woke up from intensive care, I had this strong feeling that this was the moment I had been waiting for. Even though I was bed bound and had a tracheotomy in so I couldn’t speak and we didn't know if i would ever walk again, I felt hopeful; I now had a second chance.
I realised that if I had died, I would look at my life and feel utterly disappointed. I vowed then to make something of my life. To be of Service. To make Gustav, proud, To make me proud.
Being in hospital for so long and being so helpless, was one of my biggest lesson in 'surrender' and letting go. As I let go, I allowed in help and support for the first time in a long time, and was overwhelmed by the amount of love I felt; from the nurses and medical staff, to all my family and friends – many of whom I felt didn’t care or love me. I felt so loved.
The beliefs I carried so strongly: 'no-one loves me' and 'i'm unlovable', I could now see were at least partly flawed given how loved I seemed to be...
In hospital I receive trauma therapy which massively helped me process Gustav's death, and the life-changing injuries I had to come to terms with.
Later that year after I left hospital, I started a basic counselling course. On the first day we sat around in a circle and I felt this overwhelming YES in my body. I knew I had finally found my calling and this was what I was meant to do.
I spent the next 4 years training to become a counsellor, intercepted with hospital appointments and rehab, still needing crutches to walk with and a wheelchair for longer distances.
Those 4 years were in many ways the most transformational of my life. I discovered so much about mySelf, the patterns, the challenges. The rigour and support of the training and therapy I received, enabled me to deep dive to begin healing my past.
In 2011 I graduated with a First-Class Honours degree in Integrative Counselling – one of my proudest moments.
Eventually all unsupportive relationships began to fall away, and I began to see a network of amazing humans enter and nourish my life.
Grateful for the wisdom I learned and loving being able to support others now, there was a lot more to discover.
Once I discovered the healing benefits of meditation and later yoga, I spent time exploring Buddhist & Vedic teaching and philosophies, which really resonated with me. This took me to diving deeper meditation and spending time away on long retreats. I spent many years seeking to find the answers and wanting to be the best human I could be, soI could be the best therapist I could be.
EFT, hypnotherapy and inner child healing were powerful modalities in my healing journey; freeing myself from the eating disorder, anxiety, low-self esteem and self-harming behaviours. It was only a matter of time before all of these amazing tools were integrated into my professional work.
Since then I have continued to do a huge amount of personal development work and healing. Amongst many things, discover the healing power of nature, shamanic and energy healing, movement & embodiment practices, womb wisdom, and the power of sacred sisterhood and circles.
I went from living on the streets with low self-esteem, anxiety, addicted to speed and attempting suicide, to living my life on purpose, with a connected heart, acceptance & forgiveness towards my life experiences (including myself), a healthy sense of self with self-love at the core, incredible relationships, and the experience of pure love healing so much.
I was (and still am) continuously inspired and blown away by how humans can heal such deep pain and trauma, shift their emotions and experience. If I can do this, so can YOU !
I have had several mystical experiences, and whilst I don’t follow any religion or strict beliefs, my experience has certainly taught me that there is more. That there is a connection between us all and that we are more powerful than we know.
In my spare time, when I’m not working with beautiful people like you, I love to go dancing, walking in nature, love a music gig, eating fabulous food, practicing yoga, hanging out in the garden, and chilling with family and friends.
The sisterhood was a big part of my journey and I have an incredible circle of amazing women who I couldn’t do this work without.
It truly is a privilege to pass on what I've learned, and what has helped me heal by guiding and supporting others on their journey, truly knowing how much healing is available to us all.
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I send you so much love.
Whether you choose me as your therapist or not,
just know that you are more powerful, more beautiful
and more loved than you know - and if I can do this, so can you.
Believe that anything is possible